Cigarette #5: "Excuse me, ma'am, but did you know that women who smoke are on average 50% more attractive than those who don't?"

FIFTH CIGARETTE, 3:15pm
Sitting on the Women's Table outside Sterling Memorial Library

Number Five commemorates last week's Great American Smoke-In, the Pythagorean Brotherhood's counter-protest to the Great American Smoke-Out ("Take the Challenge!").

Armed only with our Camels and Churchills, we camped out in front of the library and passed out flyers, the best of which had a big picture of Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir and read:

"The doctor said that Sartre could save his legs only by giving up tobacco. Otherwise his toes would have to be cut off, then his feet, and then his legs. Liliane and I took him home without too much difficulty. As for tobacco, he said he wanted to think it over."

It was an aggressively evangelical protest: "Sir, I can't help but notice that you're leaving the library. Did you know that tobacco helps improve concentration?" "Have you considered smoking, ma'am? Do your part to keep America beautiful!"

P.S. We got the Sartre story from Richard Klein's Cigarettes are Sublime, which is exactly as good as it sounds.