Debate Round-Up: Resolved: Let the old people die and Resolved: Liberalism is the true source of America's greatness

Thursday, cigarette #3

The Party of the Left (our beloved nemesis) debated Resolved: Let the old people die on Tuesday. It passed.

Most people grasped very quickly that giving up on expensive health care for the inevitably death-bound is not a utilitarian question of how best to distribute scarce resources ("I am the TA for Math 4367: Twisted Utilitarian Calculus. The hardest part is learning to take twisted utilitarian integrals..."). After some semantic hiccups — Aaron didn't think that "letting die" is an action, Adam didn't think that all old people are, in fact, people — they got down to the business of asking "What does it say about us if we pick a certain subgroup and decide that we don't care whether or not they die? What does it say if we engage in a panicked scramble to prolong life by as many moments as possible?"

Answers included:

(a) "Keeping yourself alive into your nineties is a selfish way to avoid confronting the fact that you didn't live the life you wanted. Seriously, go make up with your estranged son already! It takes, like, twenty-five minutes. Then, being satisfied, you can die."

(b) "If we say that we should let old people die because they're in a lot of pain, it invalidates the lives of everyone who is in pain. If we say that we should let old people die because they have diminished mental capacity, it invalidates the lives of everyone with diminished mental capacity. If we say that we should let old people die because they're not 'contributing to society,' whatever that means..." etc.

(c) "When my mother was a little girl, any time she left the house her grandmother would sit by the window praying the rosary until she got home. Old people are awesome, and anything that suggested a lack of concern for them would be bad."

The Union herself tacked Resolved: Liberalism is the true source of America's greatness, which also passed. However, I was gratified that Mr. Ramey of the Tory Party soundly refuted the notion that "the only tradition in America is the liberal tradition" with two words: JOHN WAYNE.

Of course, all of these are merely a prelude to the Party of the Right's debate tonight, Resolved: Humility is a weakness. (My thesis adviser's take on the subject: "I'm not sure I agree with the resolution, but it would certainly be good if people stopped assuming that they were interesting.") Stay tuned...