Mental Health Break: Paleoconservative Hilarity (And Not the Inadvertent Kind!)

John Zmirak offers "bumper stickers you won't put on your car":

For nostalgic readers of Russell Kirk, who keep their bound volumes of the old NR like a framed photo of Kaiser Franz Josef on the wall of a Holocaust survivor who fled Vienna: Burkeans Do It Reluctantly and Incrementally.

For tenured Straussians teaching at Christian colleges [sorry, Dave!—CSB]: God Bless America. (Then, in Attic Greek:) Except that He Doesn’t Exist.

For Brilliant, Unemployable Catholic Losers: Don’t Blame Me. I Voted for Philip II. (With a Spanish galleon.)

For pessimistic Protestants: In Case of Rapture This Vehicle will Be… Just Fine.

For home-schooling families of 15: This Minivan Brakes for Apparitions of Mary.

For paleocons who secretly wish that Putin were ruling America: Have You Hugged Your Russian Oligarch Today?

For Crunchy-Cons who live in the suburbs and subscribe to the Farmer’s Almanac: Think Parochially, Act Globally.

For really disillusioned conservatives: George III was Right.

For blue collar Americans: My Army Son Shoots Foreigners So Your Honor Student Can Have a Same-Sex Marriage.

For me (and I really am printing this up, and you can buy one from me if you want): Arm the Unborn to Guard the Border.

This reminds me of the Facebook group "Closeted Nietzscheans" that a blogless Yale Mafioso almost created. As long as I'm stealing other people's humor:

At our weddings we will quote Corinthians and toast that love which is patient and humble; but later that night we will revel in that love which is power and domination...

During the day we say it is a virtue to be cheerful; but we secretely love those who have great contempt, for they truly have great reverance, arrows of longing for a further shore...

I'm the only sane person I know.

UPDATE: Elsewhere in the Takiverse, Evan deploys my very favorite near-obsolete expression, "walking to Canossa!"